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 Well, if there's a card more suited to my current mood than a fuck off owl holding a sword and flying at something, I don't know what it is.
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 A card that represents abundance feels like simultaneously the most and least perfect card this week. I’m likely to have or at least arrange job interviews this week, I got an offer from a publisher for the queer womxn’s erotica anthology which I’ll be accepting once they answer my follow up questions. Weirdly, I feel more stressed by the idea of abundance than relieved - maybe because I’m worried about getting offers that work financially but not in terms of my time and my energy, putting me back in the exact same position I am now.

I think I was hoping and planning to have some solid writing time after this month is over and that’s not going to happen right now. It could, but if I have the option of earning a little more to set aside so that time when I do, I don’t have to worry about money. I seem, inexplicably, to be pretty employable right now so I do feel confident that when I take that proper break I can pick something up afterwards reasonably easily. 

I’m bad with choices, I think. I’m bad with turning things down and saying no, about making the right choice over the easy choice that then turns out to be harder. That’s something I need to work on- maybe this week is about re-learning how I view and deal with abundance.
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 NoteDeck is The Wild Unknown. Reversed cards in this deck have typically meant that the state of being represented in the card will be a struggle with or a struggle to attain, but not an insurmountable one.  

When I drew these, my first response was to laugh. As you can tell by my username - and the fact that I have it tattooed on my left wrist - the three of wands is a significant card to me. I first pulled it when I was swamped with work and didn’t know how to get through it all - I pulled a card asking what I could do to stop myself from crashing and burning, and that came up as a sign to just keep moving forward. It’s the “do the fucking work” card, the “stop planning and dreaming and just take action” card, which is exactly what I need to do to finish this bloody novel tonight.

The Empress is a card I pull semi-frequently when thinking about my career and its possibilities - that sense that if I just nourish the work, it can grow tall and flourish. And what do plants need to grow? Water and air. Fitting that those are the two significant elements coming up in my woo shit lately (plus…I live in Scotland. It rains a lot here). In fact, it’s a balance of all four elements since the tree and sun represent earth and fire. That reminds me of the line Willow has in the Buffy episode ‘Gingerbread’ - “I summon the four elements! Well, two elements - but four soon!” I have earth and fire covered in my daily life, I just need to let myself access the full spectrum of emotions to really achieve what I’m capable of. 

 

The branches that make up the wands are present in the tree in the Empress card. That’s what all the action leads to - fruitfulness and more growth and looking pretty darn impressive (although I’m working on doing things for the sake of creation and not to satisfy my own ego). It’s a card of abundance, of being in a position of power but getting there organically rather than through using privilege as a springboard and that’s what I’m working towards. Plus, trees drop seeds to make other trees and that’s what I want to do with my career, help other writers especially ones from marginalised backgrounds. But the only way the tree in the card can do that is by nourishing herself to grow big and strong so she actually has something useful to give in order to contribute to/expand the ecosystem. 

 

The cards are reversed, which I actually find soothing - it acknowledges that this last leg of the book is a lot of work but it can be done and I have the tools to do - I just need to plow on. 

 

Also, I painted my nails a shimmery mermaid blue in honour of Pisces season and embracing the dreamy, swirly possibilities of the next month. Sparkly!

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